Impossible
by KenRik
Summary: AU. In which Ben Solo has difficulty realizing he wasn't going crazy. Rather, he was falling in love. Ray-Ban/ReyLo.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars.

A Valentine's Day treat from me to you! Hihi.

* * *

Impossible.

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Things were not going so well for him, Ben decided one early morning in his dimly lit apartment as he blankly stared at the empty coffee mug on the bar in front of him. Seated with his head heavy on his hand, he shook his head in remise and groaned. He has been awake since three in the morning. Rather, he was not able to sleep for the third day in a row. And the culprit to his insomnia was not his stressful workload. No. Though he sorely ached to have had it that way, work was the last of his problems.

The core to his distress was a woman. God kill him. That damned feisty too-idealistic-to-the-point-of-insanity young woman living next door to him was the source of his current inutile predicament. He hated her. When they first met, he knew she was one of those people he would never get along with (he has so many people on that list). Unlikely enough, so did she, what with the look of disdain she gave him when they once met in the hallway after throwing out their respective garbage. So, they avoided each other. The arrangement had been a successful one until both of them ended up attending the same seminar in New Jersey. Apparently, they were in the same field, working in the same jurisdiction.

And God help him, the argument that had erupted in that meeting almost made him grab his standard-issued G43 9mm pistol and just shoot her, double-tap, point blank. Which was what she had actually done to him, in front of their colleagues, in front of the Chief of Police. She, who had just started serving in their precinct, had the gall to point her gun, pull down the safety, and curse him, the most venerated detective in the City, the lead captain in their latest and most elusive case. Needless to say, she was admonished and suspended for a month.

Still, being the young aspiring officer that she was, she continued to work on the case in the shadows. Of course he knew, the whole precinct did, but they also knew they could never really stop her. During which, be is at it may, she started consulting him on her leads every night in his apartment. He had successfully refused at first. Then, realizing he let his personal dislike of the girl get in the way of speeding their investigation, he set aside his qualms about Rey and exchanged notes. Sometimes, with another of their colleagues from the lab, sometimes with another from dispatching. Before they knew it, they had willingly become partners. They worked together for six months before finally capturing the gang one night, with Ben having shot the mastermind and Rey getting shot.

Now, his problem took place around a week after Rey woke from her three-day comatose.

.

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Seven days prior

.

She had been surrounded by their friends and colleagues in her hospital room, some he recognized, some he didn't. On his way, he decided to randomly pick out a greeting card, the closest the distant hot-tempered man could get to congratulating anyone for a job well done.

"Captain!" One of their colleagues, Finn, a hefty and ceaselessly enthusiastic young man who joined the force with Rey's batch, greeted in a cheer, making way for the man. Ben nodded back in greeting, with random people patting his back for some god unknown reason - which he tried to not mind, as he walked closer to Rey's bed.

When the young captain met Rey's anticipating gaze, a small smile playing on her lips as she waited for him to speak, her face pale and her eyebags dark, he felt something deep in his gut, an odd fluttering of sorts, that made him feel queezy, embarrassed, and suddenly flushed with color.

"Have you got me something, Captain?" Rey said finally, gesturing to the card on his hand, when he just stared at her.

Ben immediately nodded, giving the card to her.

Rey had laughed after reading the card. To wit, Hux got it from her to see for himself what was so funny. He only frowned after reading what it had said.

.

After the rain comes the rainbow.

.

"I don't get it." The red-haired man said, handing it to another interested interpreter.

"Did you pick it out yourself?" Rey had to ask, amidst knowing fully his answer.

"Of course not."

To wit Rey laughed some more, her joy, genuine, came from the pit of her gut, her chest full.

"Well, it's good." She told him with a sort of smile, her hands absentmindedly playing with the rose Poe gave her. "Also, the childish doodles were a nice touch because, well, you're older and you want to be understood by the new generation, wanted to speak their language as you've repeated many times before." She told him teasingly.

Ben only scowled, not really minding what she was saying, what with unknowingly battling some alien emotion that instantaneously erupted at the sight of her. Plus, he rather liked her voice, that strong, resolute English accent that would never falter from reprimanding him, never waver from speaking out its mind, amidst still achieving never being beneath nor above another's.

"Either way, thanks." She finished with a grin, one which seemed different from those she normally wore, one that didn't reach her eyes, one that was oddly hesitant.

Nodding, Ben grunted and, realizing everyone around was waiting for him to add to his miniscule reply, continued to say, "Well," He started, astonished by the hazel eyes looking at him and glittering in wait. Then, he coughed and simply said, knocking his knuckles on the end of her bed. "See you in a few days."

And he left, filling the room with questionable silence. He never once visited Rey in the hospital again. Still, she was grateful and even placed his petty excuse for a present on the table next to her bed.

The next time they met was around a week later, when Rey knocked on his door one evening after transferring back to her apartment two days prior; well enough to return to her apartment.

.

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Three days prior

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"Hi." She simply said when Ben opened his door. She wasn't even looking at him.

Ben frowned, the oddity from his hospital visit returned into his gut with a vengence.

"What is it?" His voice was deep and worn from the long day. Then, Rey looked up at him, her eyes firm and expression resolute.

"I've something to say, something odd," She said, much to Ben's surprise. "And you will do nothing but listen."

Eyes narrowing in suspicion, Ben hesitantly nodded, not knowing what else to reply. His eyes widened in alarm when she took a step towards him, the butterflies in his stomach multiplying.

"Ben Solo," she started strongly and forcefully. Her brows furrowed, making Ben wonder whether he did something wrong. Then, the heat from her eyes disappeared. A smile slowly emerged from her lips as she continued to look up at the striken man before her. "Ben," She repeated, only softer now, more personal, her tone intimate. "I don't know how many times you've been told this, nor how many have, which I doubt they wouldn't be plenty," She commented teasingly in a grin and shrug, "But, I," She looked at him with glittering eyes. "I find myself in this odd space and I realized that I want nothing more but to say this,"

"What are you getting at-" Ben couldn't help but hiss in painful wait, the clenching of his jaw, the quickening beating of his heart, and the irrational warmth filling his chest was confusing him.

"I'm in love with you." She said. Then, laughed, finding his eyes widen in utter shock. "Odd, isn't it?"

Ben just stared at her. And when he said nothing, Rey looked down, took a step back and looked back at him with a small smile.

"I'm sorry I told you." She said, her smile apologetic. "I've just been going mental keeping it in."

Then, she left, disappearing into her apartment.

From that night and three nights after, sleep eluded Ben Solo.

.

.

.

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Frustrated and bereft of sleep, Ben glared at his coffee mug and resigned to start the day early.

When he stepped out of his apartment, he was surprised to meet Rey's hazel eyes.

"You're off to work early." She commented. Ben was a easy person to read. And during the time they worked together, Rey came to know there were only two places he reported to, his work and his home. If one didn't work out, he'd be at the other. She, on the other hand, came from the store with a bag of groceries. Her face, sweaty from her morning run.

"I've got a lot on my plate."

"You've always got a lot on your plate." She was quick to retort. Then, to Ben's dismay, the feisty brunette said the last thing he wanted her to realize. "You're avoiding me."

"It has nothing to do with you." Ben just told her, angrily brushing right past her to the lift. His heart was hammering deafeningly on his chest that he was afraid she'd hear it.

It was nine in the evening, around four days later, that Ben pushed opened the glass doors to the near empty, dimly lit office in the second floor. On his arms were folders containing papers from his day's run, work that he suprisingly volunteered to do, menial work that was usually done by newbies. Still, the others supposed Ben doing the interviews would give them better results.

There were only a few people left, those assigned to the night shift when he entered. His eyes habitually made a quick scan of the room before making his way to the office. Finding nothing amiss, he proceeded to his room only to find himself freezing at the sight of Rey. She was coming out of the pantry with a steaming cup of joe.

"You're back." He found himself saying in surprise.

"I am." She smiled lightly, bags on her eyes and her hair knotted loosely.

Then, he turned away, about to enter his office, then, quickly, hesitantly looked back at her as if to say something - her hazel eyes rise in surprise - then decided against it, shook his head and got in his office. Rey's brows furrowed quizzically as she eyed the man in his room, perplexed and irked before returning to her desk.

It only took ten minutes before Ben reemerged from his office with his coat and brief case, directly headed out the door. Rey, as did the others, didn't mind the man. But then, just as he left, he abruptly returned and went straight to Rey's desk, much to the latter's surprise. His eyes were glared as he looked at her.

"You're not in the night shift." He rashly told her.

"I had my schedule changed."

"Nothing happens at night." He pressed.

"Well, you're sorely mistaken."

"What are you now, a paper pusher?"

Rey glared back at Ben, surely knowing the others within earshot took offense.

"What's your problem?" She hissed at him.

"You." The man hissed back.

"Me?" She said, indignant. "What did I do?"

Ben's glare intensified.

"What did you do?" He forced a laugh. "Think back to a few nights ago." His tone was mocking. "I'm pretty sure you'll get to something."

Rey's cheeks flushed heatedly in realization.

"Is that what this has all been about?" She cried in disbelief.

"What lunatic would corner someone out of the blue and tell them they're in love with them point blank?" Ben lashed at her, no longer caring to modulate his voice. "Even a lunatic wouldn't say they're in love with someone! We had a professional relationship! We fought but everything had been about work! Now, I can't do anything without thinking of you!"

"And how is that my fault?!"

"Because!" Ben suddenly stopped, unable to say it.

"Because what?" Rey challenged, standing up to his level, unwilling to be defeated by the irrational man. Her eyes stinging from her own anger, no longer caring about the pain of his unquestionable rejection.

"Because." Ben said. Then, closed his eyes as he tried to cool his temper. Then, he looked at Rey's blazing eyes and found himself defeated by the emotions swelling deep inside them.

"You know what, Ben." She started, her voice was unwavering and strong but, as he looked at her, her eyes trembled with unshed tears. "Even though you're the most temperamental man I've ever met, the most insensitive and loathsome man in the world - I will never really hate you. And," Her voice hitched. "That's the worst part of being in love with you."

.

Without anything else to say, Ben left that night, telling her, "Don't fall in love with those you shouldn't."

.

That same evening, as Rey walked to her car with her heart numb and all lights in her dead and without shine, she found Ben. Rey shook her head in disbelief. If they were to fight, she would no longer be able to take it.

"I needed to think."

"I'm tired, Ben."

"I'm sorry." He said. Rey turned to him and realized it didn't matter whether or not he genuinely was. She never wanted an apology from him. She never wanted anything from Ben. Not anymore.

When she got into the car, the young detective took a step back and watched her leave. And, as decidedly so, later in the night, at about four in the morning, Ben was finally able to sleep again.

In the days that followed, there was nothing less than gossip around the incident from that night. And neither cared.

Two months of ceaseless work passed, and somehow, things fell back in place as they should be. Rey was transfered back to Ben's team for necessity. She was his star officer. And Ben, though still erratic and volatile, was somehow more pleasant.

"We should carpool." He told Rey one day in the breakroom. She was eating her sandwich with Finn and Poe then. Rey, though surprised, found herself smiling at his offer.

"Alright." She smiled. "We can switch whichever car to use."

"No need." Ben shook his head as he finished and packed his lunch. Then, before leaving, reminded them of their meeting at two.

Four days into their carpool, as Rey signaled left and shifted lanes, ready to take the corner to their apartment complex, Ben said it. He had been staring absentmindedly out the window, something he had never really done until that day. His mind was never free from thought nor worry. His life had been a consistent struggle between time and action.

But in that moment, he said it. With nothing else in his mind, he told the officer beside him,

"I think, I may have been in love with you - longer than I realized."

He didn't turn to check Rey's reaction. It didn't matter.

Nor did the young woman speak, nor flinch or twitch. There was a long silence up until the time Rey parked the car and turned off the engine.

"You're impossible." Rey found herself saying in utter remise.

"I am though," Ben turned to her and simply stated as a matter of fact. "I'm madly in love with you."

It took Rey quite a while before turning to him with an astonished expression.

"Madly?" She just had to repeat in disbelief.

Ben nodded, then, found himself smiling as he looked away. Suddenly understanding her, why she had to tell him a while back how she felt. There was a lightness to confessing, a kind of freedom in telling.

"Did you," She started to laugh, still in shock but getting there. "Did you really have to wait for Valentines to tell me?"

Ben's eyes widened, turning to her.

"Valentines Day?"

Rey only grinned, nodding. And, before Ben had realized, the woman beside him was sobbing. A great weight she unwittingly carried was suddenly just gone. And she knew she was genuinely ecstatic, but, she cried and laughed. Not wanting to cause alarm, she turned to Ben and nearly laughed at the helpless expression on his face.

"It's nothing." She reassured him as she wiped her eyes and continued to laugh. "I'm just," She continued to breakdown and tried to smile at him. "It's been months. Then, you tell me."

After a while, Ben spoke up.

"I," He hesitated. "I don't know how this works." He said, gesturing to what was between them.

"Obviously." Rey seconded.

"There has never been anyone else." He told her. And, decided against continuing.

And I think there never will be.

* * *

THE END.

A/N: I hope you guys liked it. Happy Valentines Day!

Also, I hope you get what happened. Alright, so just wanted to add since there wasn't any point explaining every bit of what the protagonists felt in the story, I'll be explaining it one by one.

So, obviously, their relationship developed during their investigation, cliche as it might be, but then again, the only reason you'd ever really get to know someone is by spending a lot of time together, and heavens did that happen in those six months. Before that, they've been neighbors for a little over three months.

So anyway, Ben realizes he has feelings for Rey when he visited her in the hospital after the accident. And Rey, she slowly knew she was falling for him two months prior or maybe even before then. It was a gradual freefall she had no control over. Amidst his flaws, Ben was someone to be admired, someone who cared, and at some point, she fell into his sarcastic remarks and found him funny too. So, knowing fully well she was in love with the guy, the whole day she woke up from her comatose and was visited by her friends and loved ones, she was waiting for Ben to arrive.

At that point she knew it was one-sided, also Ben was like a rock, the likelihood something would come of her crush was close to none. Also, she was pretty sure a orphan with no background had absolutely no chances with a promising young man from an influential family who grew up with a silver spoon on his mouth. So, with this in mind, she was happy just to get the measly little moments.

She waited and waited all day, even elated when her colleagues visited her, though she was happy they were there - you know when you really like someone, you can't help but think about them, as if its the easiest thing - to think about that person. Well, that's the same with Rey. She hoped Ben was with them. But he wasn't. Thinking herself to be too foolish and childishly lovestruck, she decides to push away her feelings and just enjoy the company of those around her. Ben was a busy man. She undersood him too much to a fault. A fallen colleague was definitely the last of his worries.

Which was why, the next day, she was nothing short of surprised at Ben visiting.

And this scene, ""Either way, thanks." She finished with a grin, one which seemed different from those she normally wore, one that didn't reach her eyes, one that was oddly hesitant."

The smile, you know the smile, that super big smile you want to break out into when you see that one special person, that big wide involuntary grin because you're happy that that person's around? Ben's visit was one of those moments for Rey. Only, she couldn't break into that great big smile because she was repressing what she felt for him. And have you guys seen Daisy Ridley's grin? It's huge as hell and so cute, it's like the world is great and perfect. So, that's why the line said hesitant. So I hope you got that. She wanted to smile so wide because simply through seeing the man she was in love with utterly completed her day, perfected it even. But then that would be weird, so she had to stay conscious of her actions and forcefully had to repress her grin.

Anyway, I hope you liked the story. Have a great holiday!


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